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We all knew that Activision were shit. There has never been any doubt surrounding that statement, but in it’s worst move ever – a rep for this pathetic company has insinuated that it would be in Craptivisions interests to shut down the PSN servers instead of paying some gook fifty bucks to fix the disgrace that is Black Ops – online. There isn’t really much more to say than Activision are a bunch of cock smokers.

 

Black Cocks

So bad it was probably made by Black people

Today I had an away game – here were the results:

TOG:  1

Electronic Arse:  0

Play by play results, below:

Medal of homo - name change

Medal of Homo - name change

Click to enlarge

What you are about to click on is easily the most terrifying thing you will ever see (I should know, I’ve seen a black woman’s snatch). Even worse than that, this free-fall into insanity has apparently already caused 3 people to suicide. If there is a devil – its name be the Olsen twins.

May God have mercy on your souls…

You know that feeling after being on a Coke bender all night and you’re all “damn my sinus is really hurting” so you go and grab yourself two or three aspirins and throw ‘em back with a bourbon. Then after 15 minutes you start feeling so FUCKING FANTASTIC you could take on the world, only to realise that they weren’t aspirin, but Eckies? FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU…

Well that’s how I feel about this -  Guybrush Threepwood will be an unlockable character in The Force Unleashed 2.

The Force Unleashed 2

Unleashed upon my monkey

Wat-up, shitbags -TheOffensiveGamer here. So many of you will know that as a staunch MAC fanboy since ’94 – I have had some serious issues with Apple of late. (and by ‘late’ – I’m talking 2005). Some of these issues include me refusing to go Intel, refusing to buy an IPhone, refusing to use Itunes and basically refusing to be an all round wanker. Now sure most of you are now giggling like little school girls about the fact that I’m still using a Motorola chip and haven’t had any software updates for 2 years – well guess what? I’m a REAL MAC user (run and tell that, homeboy). Anyway, Just as I have been disenfranchised by my commie cancer ridden overlord – so you too should be worried about the future of gaming.

You see – Gaming (or Gayming as it is now known) has become nothing but a hobby for try hards and here are 5 (yeah 5 News 4 Gaymers) reasons why Gaming is the new lame.

5) Companies pumping out the same game with a different name every 6 months.


4) Those same games with different names – still don’t have their bugs fixed!

3) GAYLO REACH-around

2) FUCKING LAG!!!!!

1) Women playing with wands that aren’t attached to balls.

Now lets enjoy some clips to make us forget that we are now nothing more than a demographic.

Hang-on, I just need to snort this line of coke. Now where was I? Oh yeah – I’m back after 5 months of some seriously fucked up time travel. On my trip I realised that BFBC2 is for fags and the EA servers have gone to shit. (Roll the theme music)…

So gamers, 55 days to go until Call of Duty Black-Ops hits stores. To celebrate, I will be giving away some of Columbia’s finest. The 9th gamer to email me gets a early Christmas card stuffed with Miami gun powder. I will announce the winner next week. Until then enjoy this PSN gamer card for Black-Ops (just shoop your own fucking name on it, Boofheads).

Black-Ops Gamer Card, PSN Black-Ops Card, PSN CODBO Gamercard

Black-Ops gamer card for PSN

We all know the Japanese are creepy mofos – It’s why we love them! May I present for your viewing pleasure this Japanese chip commercial – well that’s what I think it is. Either that or some fucked up ad for bestiality? In any case, we can all agree it’s top shit!

EA dumping on Aussie PS3 gamers

Open your mouth PS3 gamers - EA has a gift for you!

Well, folks, guess what? That’s right fellow Aussie gamers, Ps3 gamers have had their arse ripped open and two fists shoved up their colon once again in the never ending war of ‘Get fucked – you own a PS3!’ Now you may remember a while back when TOG bit down on the wang of Infinity Ward and wouldn’t let go over the infamous lack of region locking for MW2? Well if not – you’re a fag. Anyhoo, here is the 911 ma-niggards.

The good folk at EA have decided to delay the release of the PS3 version of Battlefield Bad company 2 in Australia due to…Click here to find out why!

Are you sick of all the smug arse advertising that game companies subject us to? When was the last time you really gave a shit about an ad for a console? I too share your rage, so let’s take a look back in time to see how those motherfucking Japs did this shit right! Fuck you Sony – you can kiss my ring hole, Microsoft! Give me an old school homoerotic Ninty ad any day!

Who knows why the fuck I went to school. I should have just lived in the basement until the internets was invented!

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